Accouchement of the Heart
by She's So High
Summary: Raven has a problem that she tries hard not to think about. Trouble is, it just keeps getting worse and worse and harder to ignore. This being in love thing is going to kill her. RobinRaven


Accouchement of the Heart

By: Lady DeathAngel

Disclaimer: Not mine, not profiting, 'nuff said.

Warnings: some language, sexual content of the lime variety, crack!fic

A/N: Yes, this one-shotcame out of nowhere. I blame Michael Buble. He's like some kind of Barry White. I dunno, my plot bunnies heard himsinging and started multiplying like crazy. Um,I don't know how it turned out. I was up until seven this morning working on it. Then I got up at noon-ish and started editing it. This is my second foray into the Teen Titans fandom (third, if you count (and here comes the mad pimpage) the AU/WIP story that I'll begin posting sometime this week. It's mad fun. Everyone should check it out.) and so I'm still a little worried about characterization and stuff. Considering the fact that this fic is on crack, though, I'm just worried about it making sense.Anyway, hope ya'll like it. Pairings are as follows: Starfire/Robin, Raven/Robin. As always, please read, enjoy, and review!

--(

Raven had a problem that didn't bear thinking about. In fact, she spent most of the time carefully _not_ thinking about it. Of course, that inevitably meant that she thought about it every day, sometimes more than once. Whenever that happened she mentally slapped her palm to her forehead and called herself an idiot. What did it take to not think about something? To what measures was she supposed to go to make her problem go away?

She tried everything. She tried reading, she tried meditating, she even tried hanging out with the other Titans. Nothing worked, and every day it got worse and finally she was forced to admit to herself that it wasn't the kind of problem that just went away. So she decided to seek help. She went to Cyborg.

He was tinkering around with something in the garage when she walked in. She cleared her throat softly and he straightened with a surprised look on his face.

"Hey, Rae! Didn't hear you come in."

"I think I'm sick," she said without preamble.

He nodded and grabbed a rag to wipe the grease off his hands.

"Any idea what you might've come down with? Robin had the flu a couple weeks ago. It's a stretch, but do you think that might be it?"

She shook her head. Cyborg looked at her expectantly and she sighed.

"Okay, maybe not sick . . . exactly. But something's wrong. Something serious."

"Well, better safe than sorry, right? Let's go to the infirmary. I'll check you out there."

Physicals were standard procedure once a year for the Titans, and check ups were fairly regular. Cyborg was always in charge of looking them over and had a commanding presence whenever he was in the infirmary. He sat Raven down on a bed and went about trying to find out what was wrong.

Raven's reflexes were fine, her temperature was normal, her heartbeat regular, her lungs in perfect working order, her blood pressure perfect. She'd lost a little weight over the last seven months which was no big deal, and there was a bruise on her hip from their last mission that she hadn't gotten around to healing yet.

"Other than that, you're fine," Cyborg told her, tossing her chart onto a small table in the corner.

She frowned and stared down at her hands.

"I thought so. I always know when something's wrong with my physical body." She looked up at Cyborg. "But I keep getting these . . . _feelings_ in my stomach. Like I'm falling really fast. I get lightheaded sometimes or I feel really flushed, and then there are the heart palpitations and . . ." She trailed off because Cyborg was laughing at her.

"What?" she demanded.

Cyborg cleared his throat.

"Do these . . . _feelings_ happen any time in particular? Like, around a certain person?"

Raven blushed and looked away.

"Yeah."

Cyborg started laughing again.

"_Some_body's got a crush," he announced. "Don't worry." He clapped her on the shoulder and she glared at him. "It's completely natural. Aw, our little Raven's all grown up."

Raven sighed and realized she would never, ever live this one down.

–(

"So, who is it? It's not me, is it Raven? 'Cause I know I'm a manly specimen of manhood and way too much for you to handle, but I like girls that think I'm funny."

Raven glared at the pages of her book and listened to Cyborg's snickers as Beast Boy sat beside her, trying to find out the name of whoever had won her heart.

"I can't believe you told _Beast Boy_, of all people," she said loudly enough for her teammate to hear.

Cyborg probably shrugged because he was silent. Beast Boy was still leaning over her shoulder and she was tempted to hit him.

"I'm not telling you," she told him, slamming her book shut and glaring at the green boy.

Without warning he'd morphed into a small animal that was nothing but fluffy green fur, huge green eyes, and an adorable little black nose. He let out a yip and jumped into her lap, looking up at her with wide eyes. She shook her head at him.

"Still not telling."

He morphed back into Beast Boy.

"Come _on_," he wheedled, straddling her waist and crossing his arms. "No one can resist my puppy dog eyes."

Raven smirked at him.

"I can," she told him. "Now get off."

He shook his head.

"I'm staying here until you tell me who you're in love with."

Raven glared at him.

"I'm not _in love_ with anyone. I've got an inconvenient crush and that's it." She ignored the fact that she'd been inconvenienced for a couple of years now and that it probably wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

She and Beast Boy engaged in a staring contest of sorts, her purple eyes narrowed, his telling her in no uncertain terms that he really wasn't going anywhere.

"Cyborg!" she finally called plaintively. "Get him off me."

"Just tell us," Beast Boy said before Cyborg could answer.

"Tell us what?" a new voice interjected.

Robin and Starfire walked into the living room holding hands and looked at their three team mates quizzically.

"Raven's got a crush and she won't tell us who it's on."

Raven felt her face heat.

"You've got a crush on someone?" Robin repeated, looking at her with a raised eyebrow.

Starfire let go of her boyfriend's hand to clap her own together.

"Wonderful! The crushing of someone is a good thing, yes? Does this mean we can engage in the girl talk I've heard so much about?"

Raven frowned and rose abruptly, dislodging Beast Boy, and used her powers to pull the hood of her cloak over her head.

"It's no big deal," she insisted. "In fact, the stomach fluttering and the heart skipping are probably just because of something I ate. Forget about it."

She was making a dignified exit when a hand latched onto her arm, just below her elbow. She stopped abruptly and whirled around. There went the flushing and the stomach pains and her heart was beating too fast and she felt dizzy and Robin's touch burned her skin through the fabric of her leotard.

"We won't tease you, you know," he said with a grin. "You can tell us. We're your friends."

"There's nothing to tell," she said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. "If I promise to make dinner, will you guys drop it?" she asked, anticipating the reaction.

Three voices shouted: "no!" Starfire, however, looked sad.

"But . . . don't you want to do the girl talking?"

"Um, no," Raven said, taking her arm back and rubbing it beneath the cover of her cloak. "I'm not good at girl talking. And I'm not making dinner, either. I hate cooking."

"Thank God!" Cyborg exclaimed.

The conversation turned immediately to who _would_ cook dinner and what they would eat and everyone pretended to forget about Raven's crush.

–(

Everyone had pretended not to notice Raven's crush on Robin during the first go around. It was easy because Raven wasn't the kind of girl to get a crush and Robin was just starting to date Starfire and so there was no way the dark-haired girl could have such feelings for their leader. It didn't matter that every so often she fell asleep on him when they were up late and watching Starfire's favorite television shows or that she smiled at him nearly every day or that she worried more about him on missions than she did about herself.

After a couple of months, Robin and Star had become more and more publically affectionate and Raven stopped touching Robin altogether and it was easy to forget that she'd _ever_ felt any romantic feelings for him. Now, though, it was hard not to think about.

Cyborg had figured Raven liked Beast Boy, initially. He'd gone to his friend with the information that Raven had a crush to feel the situation out. Beast Boy had been delighted to find out Raven was crushing on someone, but when Cyborg asked if he'd ever be interested in her he'd made a face.

"Dude, that'd be like dating my _sister_. She doesn't like me, does she?"

Cyborg thought about it a little more and shook his head.

"Nah. She doesn't even think you're funny."

Beast Boy had sighed sadly.

"I know. I don't get it."

Between the two of them, they couldn't figure out who it could be. They tossed around random names, carefully skipping over the one that they both suspected the most. Eventually Beast Boy got impatient and insisted on trying to drag it out of her himself.

"She won't tell you," Cyborg warned him.

"Dude, _no one_ can resist the puppy dog eyes."

That was, of course, later amended to: "Raven's got to be the only chick on the _planet_ who can resist the puppy dog eyes."

Cyborg just smirked and said: "I told you so."

Still, now that all of the Titans were aware of Raven's crush, it seemed like they were all obsessed with figuring out who it could be on. Starfire kept trying to get Raven to have an out night with the girls, but so far she'd only managed to cajole the goth teen into a finger and toe nail painting session while they watched some weird tv show about fungus.

Cyborg teased Raven pretty much mercilessly. He was always asking if she'd had any heart palpitations lately, which she'd taken to answering with a rude hand gesture that had amused the boys and confused Starfire.

"I do not understand what is so funny about Raven's middle finger," she'd said, holding her own up in the air and turning them this way and that.

Robin coughed and pulled her hands down.

"It's just Raven's way of saying telling us to shut up."

Starfire frowned.

"She has never done this before," she mused.

"I know. I'm kind of surprised she lasted this long," Robin muttered.

Beast Boy just cackled harder and Cyborg snickered louder.

Robin pretended that he didn't care, but it was obvious that he did. When they'd all gone to get pizza one day after a mission, the waiter, a young blonde kid, had grinned at Raven and told her that he liked her nail polish. She'd looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.

"It's just black. And it's chipping."

The kid just smiled enigmatically and sauntered off.

"You know him?" Robin had asked, trying to sound casual and failing fairly spectacularly.

"No. I've never seen him before."

"He was pretty friendly."

Raven frowned and Robin grinned.

"He likes your nail polish. That means he thinks your cute."

Raven's blushes had always made her look adorable in a weird, once I get over this embarrassment I'll kill you, way. This time was no different.

"Well, I don't even know him," she said, looking down at her soda. "And he's not the one you're looking for," she added, glancing up at Robin through her lowered eyelashes.

And that was that. Beast Boy decided it was his turn again and approached her room, his palms sweaty, knowing that she'd probably send him on his way once she saw him in the doorway. He knocked loudly anyway and swallowed hard when she opened the door and looked down at him with raised eyebrows.

"Hey, Raven," he said, his throat dry. "Mind if I come in?"

She rolled her eyes and stepped back. He grinned gratefully at her and walked into the room. The lighting was low and came from a series of candles scattered around. It was . . . cozy. A little dark and kind of creepy, but cozy nonetheless.

"I'm not going to tell you who it is," she said, walking over to her bed and sitting on the edge. "And the puppy dog eyes still won't work."

Beast Boy sighed and tried to figure out what to say. He'd had something perfectly witty planned, but it was gone now that the reality of where he was had set in.

"Raven . . . you know that kissing you would be like kissing a sister, right?"

Raven frowned and opened her mouth to say something but Beast Boy plowed on.

"I mean, I've never told you this 'cause I figured you'd laugh, but you're kinda like the sister I never had."

Raven folded her arms over her chest and regarded him with wary eyes.

"But you think I'm creepy and I'm always annoyed with you and I never laugh at your jokes."

Beast Boy smiled at her.

"There's a part of you that wants to," he pointed out. "You should let the happy Raven come out and play sometime."

Raven rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, that's never gonna happen."

They were both silent for several moments before Raven spoke, her tone hesitant.

"Am I really . . . I mean, not that it matters, but I'm really like a sister?"

Beast Boy nodded and rocked up onto the balls of his feet. Raven smiled at him and looked away.

"Yeah, I guess if I had a brother, he'd be a lot like you." She picked idly at her comforter. "Um . . . if I tell you, you have to promise not to bring it up." She looked up at him with a glare. "_Ever_."

Beast Boy nodded and she glared for a few more seconds before turning her gaze back down to her comforter.

"You know who it is," she said softly. "And I don't stand a chance, so I think we should all just forget about it."

Beast Boy looked down at the floor and then back up at Raven. Her head was bowed, her dark hair shielding her face from view. He tried to look at her objectively. It wasn't that hard. He knew she was pretty, beautiful, even. She had a sense of humor, she was smart and honest and strong and Beast Boy didn't like to think of a world without her in it. Any guy would be totally lucky to have her, but he'd always known that Raven would never want just any guy.

He'd always assumed that if Raven would fall for _anyone_ it would be Robin because Robin didn't have to stop and catalogue Raven's attributes. He'd never struggled to look at her objectively. He'd always known things about her that the others didn't. He understood her in a way that no one else ever would. But he was with Starfire for whatever reason and Raven was the kind of girl who would love from afar and wish him the best and move on with her life secretly wishing that he could have been happy with _her_ instead.

Beast Boy gazed at Raven and summoned up a small smile.

"Raven?"

She looked up, her eyebrows raised just the slightest bit.

"Um, as your brother . . . he's missing out. Big time."

She smirked.

"Oh yeah?"

Beast Boy grinned.

"Definitely."

She blushed in that cute way of hers.

"Um . . . thanks."

–(

The problem with using her powers was that Raven became a part of whatever she used them on. It had been two years since Trigon. Two years since Raven had given her friends more of herself than she'd ever given anyone. They'd given her the borrowed powers back and she'd used them to defeat her father, but she could still feel her teammates inside of her. There were traces of Starfire, Cyborg, Robin, and Beast Boy laced with her own being now. Her empathic abilities were heightened around the four of them because of that connection, and she could always feel them; their pain, their fears, their joys, and their sorrows often became her own.

For the most part she was able to control it. She used her meditation to carefully lock as much of friends away as she dared, allowing them the privacy of their thoughts and feelings. It was easy to do with Cyborg, Starfire, and Beast Boy but the connection she had with Robin made it nearly impossible to lock him away safely. She'd healed him, she'd touched his mind with her own, seen through his eyes, seen things no one else had, that no one else would if he didn't share them himself. And he, in turn, knew more about her than anyone else.

It was a part of her problem. Knowing him as well as she did, his insecurities, his fears, and his passions, had all been contributing factors to the problem; they made the problem worse as the days wore on. There were parts of her that were delighted. Lust and Love, specifically, were relishing in Raven's feelings for Robin. Happy thought it was amusing, Brave thought she ought to just do something about it already, and Intelligence insisted it made sense for her to be falling for her leader.

Raven didn't like to think about it, but it was getting harder and harder to do. She'd spent nearly every day for the past two and a half years watching Robin and Starfire's odd courtship dance. She'd thought, originally, that she only wanted her friends to be happy. Of course, back then she'd also been in denial. She'd never been in love with anyone and she'd assumed it was never going to happen. She thought she was too smart to fall for a teammate. She was wrong, apparently, and this time around it was even worse. Now that Robin and Star were an official couple, and had been for a long time, they were openly affectionate and Raven had added 'physical pain' to the list of ailments that accompanied being in love.

Beast Boy and Cyborg shot her a lot of glances whenever Starfire stole a kiss or whenever Robin cuddled with her during a scary movie. Raven just shrugged it off and pretended not to react when Lust and Love recoiled at the sight, and when even Happy and Brave retreated. It didn't help that she could always feel whatever Robin was feeling and that only an inhuman amount of self-control kept her from focusing on his feelings just to get that much closer to him. That only made it worse.

And then It happened. It with a capital 'I'.

Raven knew that it was harder to filter out the emotions of her friends while she was sleeping. Generally, they were asleep as well and their own emotions were dulled in sleep. With Robin it was different, and more than once Raven had woken in a cold sweat from nightmares that weren't hers. That night she was seeing a dream that didn't belong to her, but it wasn't a nightmare.

Raven had never seen a dream like this before. She'd heard Cyborg teasing Beast Boy about them before and had been mildly disgusted. She was too busy trying to control Lust to be disgusted this time. She was also too busy trying to comprehend what she was seeing. Robin was pressing his lips to pale skin and soft, husky cries filled Raven's ears. It was obvious what was happening, but the girl was all wrong. Her limbs weren't endless, like Star's. Her curves were more pronounced than Star's. Her skin wasn't that rich, creamy color that Star's was.

Raven had an idea of why this was by the time she'd dragged her eyes up to the face of the girl Robin was busy making love to but seeing her own face flushed, her full lips parted on a moan, her big, amethyst eyes squeezed shut while Robin did . . . whatever it was he was doing, was enough to shatter her world around her. Robin was having a wet dream about _her_, about Raven, about a girl who was _not_ _Starfire_.

Some part of Robin wanted Raven, wanted to kiss her there and there and _there_ and Lust was delighted.

Raven felt something settle into the pit of her stomach and then thread its way through the rest of her body. Her chest felt tight, her fingertips tingled, and her thighs shook. She groaned and wondered just what the hell_ this _feeling was. It was different from the crush and it was definitely different from the heartbreak and she was convinced that all of the feelings tied into the same thing.

This being in love thing was going to _kill_ her and she didn't even care anymore.

She watched herself straddle Robin's hips and the strange feeling intensified in wicked little bursts as Dream Raven leaned down and kissed Robin deeply, their tongues twining and glistening; she did something with her hips and they both moaned loudly. The guttural sound that was dragged from Robin's throat sent a sharp stab of _something_ through Raven's body.

Dream Raven was dragging her lips down Robin's muscled chest and he arched his back with a soft sigh. Lust had practically taken over by that point and Raven ran her tongue over her lips as Dream Raven reached her goal. She tasted like herself and a she was . . . disappointed. She wanted to be the one driving Robin mad, she realized as he moaned her name and carded his fingers through Dream Raven's hair. She wanted to be the one kissing him, licking him, making him writhe. She wanted to taste _him_ on her lips. The realization made her lightheaded.

Raven had no idea what she was feeling or what was happening to her body. She was watching herself _suck_ on Robin's _cock_ and it was so incredible. She felt hot and couldn't breathe properly. Her heart was thudding in her chest and other parts of her body pulsed in time with the rapid beating. She didn't care when Lust whispered that she could help. Raven could only nod helplessly as she watched Robin yank Dream Raven up by the armpits and flip her onto her back.

Lust didn't bother with needless touches. Raven's hand was between her legs before she realized what was going on; she didn't hesitate to let Lust guide her fingers over her own body. Robin was kissing Dream Raven wetly and grinding his hips into hers. They were both moaning and Raven bit her lip to keep her own whimpers behind her teeth.

It was one of the most intimate things Raven had ever seen, watching Robin fantasize about having sex with _her_ of all people, and Raven could feel something happening. There was a shift in the dream world; it tightened around Raven and Robin's groans grew louder and just as the dream world exploded around her, Raven had this incredible sensation of flying apart and coming back together over and over again.

When Raven came to, she was in her own bed in an empty bedroom. Her heavy pants filled the air and she realized her hand was still between her legs. She yanked it out of her pajama bottoms and thrust it beneath her comforter.

"What the hell _was_ that?" she gasped.

Deep inside she felt Lust, satiated and snickering. Happy was laughing outright and Intelligence coughed delicately. She was filled with a sense of 'now _that_ was interesting,' and shrieked deep in her throat. She fell backward, grabbed a pillow, and promptly went about smothering herself.

–(

"So . . . what movie are renting tonight?"

"Something of the horror variety, I'm thinking," Beast Boy said.

Cyborg snorted.

"That's what you're _always_ thinking."

Four pairs of eyes turned toward Raven expectantly, but she was too busy staring at Robin and blushing to insult Beast Boy.

"Dude, that was the perfect setup," Beast Boy said.

Raven glanced away from Robin quickly and coughed.

"What?"

He raised an eyebrow at her.

"You've been acting weird lately," Beast Boy said.

"I have noticed it to!" Starfire exclaimed. "You are always distracted and your cheeks are red . . . are you coming down with an illness?"

Raven shook her head and her blush deepened.

"I'm just not sleeping very well. Um, so, what movie are we renting tonight?"

They all frowned at her and she offered up a sheepish and awkward smile. After a moment they all continued their perusal of the video selection.

Truth was, she was well past 'coming down with something'. She was as far gone as it was possible for a girl to get, and she knew it. She was in love and there was no denying that side of her anymore. She was actually handling Love quite well. It was Lust that was causing problems. Robin's dreams about Raven hadn't ended, and every time he had one she was caught up in the middle of it. She'd seen things done that she'd never thought possible, and a number of them Robin fantasized about _her_ initiating. Every single time Lust took over and Raven didn't care while it was happening, but afterward she was as wound up as before and pissed at her complete lack of self-control.

It was bad enough that whenever she saw Robin she felt what she'd fast realized was arousal coil deep within her belly and she saw herself kissing his lips and other, more interesting, body parts. That was bad. Jealousy was worse and the harder she reigned it in, the harder it was to so much as _look_ at Starfire. Of all the feelings, Jealousy was the most familiar. It bordered on rage and Raven had plenty of experience with that. She didn't like feeling this way about Starfire though, and even more traumatic than not liking the girl because of Robin was the fact that she'd felt this way before. That it had never truly gone away.

Before Jealousy had been easy to control because there was her father to deal with and after that she was too happy to let any dark feelings cloud her mind. Now, Jealousy was more violent than before and as ever-present as Lust. The two had probably joined forces if the odd heat beneath her skin was any indication.

It made her want to scream that he didn't dream about _Starfire_. He didn't want _her_. He dreamt about Raven, he wanted _Raven_ and she . . . she wanted him too.

"This is bad," she muttered to herself.

"What's bad?" a deep voice inquired from behind her.

She swallowed and clenched her fists.

"This movie selection," she said with a shrug. "Nothing remotely interesting."

"Huh."

He was silent but he didn't leave and Raven didn't say anything to him. She stared at the same title on the shelf for nearly two minutes before giving in and grabbing it off the shelf.

"This doesn't look too bad," she said without looking at the summary on the back.

She spun around and was going to walk away from Robin, but he grabbed the movie from her and raised an eyebrow at the title.

"_Hedwig and the Angry Inch_?"

Raven shrugged and nodded.

"Yeah. It sounds . . . interesting."

"It's a musical."

She snatched the movie back.

"A modern one," she said, though she had no idea if it was modern or not. She just wanted to get the hell _out_.

"You okay?" Robin asked, looking down at her.

"I'm fine," Raven answered.

He gazed at her and then rested a hand on her shoulder.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

She'd known that for a while now. He was constantly remind her of the fact, but this wasn't something she could just bring up with him. She couldn't see bringing this up with _anyone_. _Ever_.

"I'm fine," she insisted. "Now let's find Starfire before she grabs something too girly from the Chick Flick aisle."

Robin dropped his hand and nodded, walking off with Raven following a bit behind him. She sighed and gnawed her lip. Her body was reacting strongly to his all the time now, and she'd imagined, for a split second, jumping him and kissing him and making him beg. She couldn't stop a small smirk from tugging her lips upward.

He could probably beg real pretty.

"Raven, you've got that creepy look on your face," Beast Boy said.

She frowned, unaware that he'd crept up beside her.

"What creepy look?"

"That one like you're really considering doing something potentially hazardous to someone else's health. And that you'll enjoy it."

Raven almost chuckled but stopped herself before the sound could make it past her lips. He raised his eyebrows at her and shuddered.

"Dude, you're really freakin' me out anymore," he said. "I mean, how do I know that you're not some kind of body snatcher, like in _Eve of the Body Snatchers_?"

"Because, body snatchers like to eat livers, and I'm more partial to brains."

"Dude, gross."

Raven just smirked at him.

–(

The movie made Raven cry, or tear up at least. No one else was interested in watching it with her. Starfire thought the music was too loud, Beast Boy thought the plot made no sense, Cyborg thought it was just plain stupid, Robin had been turned-off by the prospect of it being a musical, and all of them had balked at the idea of two guys making out, even if one was dressed like a girl at the time.

Raven had spent her money on it, so she was stuck, but she ended up loving it. She watched it twice and the songs got stuck in her head and she fell in love with the character of Hedwig and she sniffled because it was such a great movie.

That was how Robin found her, watching a guy walk naked down the street while she blinked away tears.

"Oh my God, are you okay?"

She looked up startled.

"I'm fine," she said. "It's just a movie."

He nodded slowly and sat next to her on the couch.

"Good movie?"

She shrugged.

"Not bad."

Robin chuckled.

"Raven, you are the master of the understatement."

"No. I'm just a habitual liar."

He shook his head and turned to stare at her.

"So, wanna tell me what's been up with you the last few weeks?"

_Wanna tell me why you've been dreaming about doing unspeakable things to me with your mouth?_

Raven flushed and looked away, watching the credits roll.

"I told you, I'm fine."

Robin snorted.

"Right. You forget, I know you better than anyone. Something's been on your mind." She felt him gazing at her. "This isn't about that crush, is it?" he finally asked.

She looked at him sharply.

"No." He raised an eyebrow. "Maybe." The other eyebrow joined the first somewhere near his hairline. "Yes. It has to do with my crush. Happy?"

He grinned.

"You have no idea."

Raven rolled her eyes and frowned at him.

"I don't feel like talking about it."

He shrugged.

"Okay."

But he didn't tear his eyes away and she'd always had a weak spot where Robin was concerned. Well, wasn't that obvious by this point? He wasn't just a weak spot, he was a weakness. Just sitting with him here, on the couch in the main room, was enough to make her body sing songs of love and lust and fear. She hated this feeling. She wished Cyborg could give her something to make it go away. She wished she could've fallen for someone easy and unattached. She wished she was asexual.

"I don't want to feel this," she finally said softly, focusing her eyes somewhere near his collarbone. "I hate this. I want it to go away."

"Sounds more serious than a crush," Robin said, just as quietly.

She inhaled harshly.

"I love him," she bit out. "I didn't know I could fall in love with anyone. And now I have and I feel . . . all the time it's . . . and he can't love me back," she finished, her voice low and harsh.

Robin's arm was entirely unexpected and drew her into his body. Raven tensed up when she felt his lips in her hair.

"Why not?" he asked.

Raven realized that she couldn't breathe. She felt too warm and her heart was beating its way out of her chest.

"He loves someone else," she told him, pulling away with a shiver. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. Just forget about it."

She stood up and turned to leave when she felt a hand pull her back. She spun and collided with Robin's solid chest.

She knew his eyes were on hers but that stupid mask obscured them and she felt like an idiot. She was staring up at him and she wanted to kiss him, to hold him and never let go. He leaned forward and she watched as his lips drew closer to hers. They were parted slightly, she noted, and her hands shook. She turned her head and felt his lips touch the corner of her mouth.

"I said I don't want to talk about it," she said.

She felt his lips curl up.

"I wasn't planning on talking."

He moved to kiss her again and she phased out of his grip and into her bedroom, feeling empty and sick.

–(

This dream was different. Raven recognized herself and she saw Robin but their kisses were soft and unhurried. Raven frowned in confusion as Robin broke the kiss. Dream Raven gazed up at him, lifted a hand and sifted her fingers through his hair.

"It's you," Dream Raven whispered. "I love you."

Raven gasped and wrapped her arms protectively around her stomach. What was going _on_? This was all wrong.

"I know," Robin replied. "I love you, too."

Dream Raven smiled softly and Raven felt like throwing up. _Why_? Why was this happening? Robin tucked Dream Raven's hair behind one ear and looked down at her, face set into serious lines.

"I don't want to lose you," he said softly, holding her close and rubbing his cheek against her hair. "I get so scared that I'll lose you."

Dream Raven's smile was sad, Raven realized.

"You can't have me," Dream Raven said suddenly. "You know you can't."

Dream Raven vanished, leaving Robin's arms empty. He looked around frantically.

"Raven!" he yelled. "Raven where are you?"

"_You can't have me_!" Dream Raven said loudly.

Robin's fists clenched and he tipped his head back.

"Fine!" he shouted. "I don't really want you anyway. You're so cold all the time, you know that? You never let anyone in, you keep us all out."

Raven felt a sharp pain in her heart and anger flooded her body.

"That's not true!" she said, but Robin didn't see her. "I let _you_ in, Robin! I let you touch me. I let you hope for me! I let you _save me_! _You_, no one else."

Her fists were clenched so hard that the skin of her palms broke. The pain reminded her this was a dream and her consciousness threatened to take hold. She fought it.

"I'm not good enough for you!" she cried. "I'm dark and I don't like people and I don't laugh or smile often. But I love you anyway because you _see_ me!"

But he didn't, he looked right through her; with a sneer he turned to walk away.

"Don't," she whimpered. "Please don't leave me alone again."

He kept walking and she was left, cold and alone in a dream world that she knew wasn't his. It was her own. This was her own nightmare.

She woke with a start, her first conscious thought that her hands were bleeding and that she was going to stain her sheets.

"He left me," she whispered into the stillness of her room.

She was dry-eyed as she healed the wounds on her palms. Deep inside, she was sobbing and she didn't know if she'd ever stop.

–(

"Raven, may I talk with you?"

Raven looked up from the book she was reading to see Starfire gazing at her with red-rimmed eyes. She frowned and nodded, feeling suddenly tense and wary. The red-head sat down on the couch beside her and twirled her fingers for a few moments.

"Am I . . . a good girlfriend?" she asked, suddenly.

"What!" Raven demanded, leaning away from the other girl. "How would I know?"

Starfire sniffled.

"Robin does not love me," she cried, dissolving into tears. "I've told him so many times that I love him, yet he has never told me. Is that not how it works? As a boyfriend and girlfriend he is supposed to love me and I him?"

Raven swallowed.

"I thought that he was supposed to take me on the dinner-and-movie date and give me flowers and tell me I'm pretty and then we would exchange the 'I love you's'. Is that not what a relationship is?"

"I . . . um, well, that's part of it," Raven finally said. "But you can't choose who you fall in love with and sometimes they just can't love you back."

"But I was his girlfriend!" Starfire wailed. "Does that mean _nothing_?"

Raven opened her mouth to explain to her that it took more than a label to make a boy fall in love, but what she'd said caught her attention.

"Wait, what do you mean you _were_ his girlfriend?"

Starfire started sobbing even louder.

"He told me that we are doing the breaking up and that he no longer wishes to be my boyfriend or for me to be his girlfriend."

Raven felt cold.

"Where is he?" she demanded.

Starfire shrugged and Raven sighed.

"Look, Star, I'm sorry. I'll talk to him, okay? Maybe I can beat some sense into him."

Starfire nodded and watched as Raven stalked out of the room in search of their leader. She found him, as she had expected to, in the weight room. He was attacking the bag with a furious intensity that would have made a lesser girl pause. Raven just walked right up to him and slapped him hard on the chest.

"What the _fuck_ do you think you're playing at?" she growled.

Robin stared at her and didn't answer.

"ANSWER ME!" she yelled, so close she could see the sweat beading on his face.

"It's me, isn't it," he said, a sharp edge to his tone. "You've got a crush on _me_. You're in love with _me_."

"What does it matter? You're with Star. Or you were, until you decided to break her heart."

"What does it _matter_? YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ME!"

Raven stared up at him, her chest heaving with anger and a pain she had no name for.

"Don't do this," she hissed. "Don't play the hero. Don't act like you care. Don't _play with me_!"

He grasped her shoulders in his hands and shook her.

"I'm not playing, Raven!"

"YES YOU ARE!"

The bag shook violently off to their left and behind them the weights rattled, her dark energy too much to control when she felt so emotionally raw.

"You don't mean anything by this," she insisted loudly. "You just want everyone to be happy because that's _who you are_."

Robin's mouth settled into a straight line.

"If that's what you think, you don't know the first thing about who I am," he told her.

Raven stared up at him with an incredulous frown. How dare he? How _dare_ he? He always told her he knew her better than anyone and yet here he was, telling her that she didn't know _him_?

"If that's what _you_ think then –"

"Raven, I didn't meant that," Robin cut her off, raking a hand through his hair. "I just . . . I'm not playing. I would never play with you."

Raven shook her head.

"Don't do this," she said softly. "Not if you don't mean it. Not if you're just going to leave me."

"Raven –"

"Don't do this!" she repeated, taking a step back. "I'm not going to break. You need to do what's best for you and Star. Don't worry about me."

He stared at her for a few long minutes before turning on his heel and stalking out of the weight room. Raven watched him go and fell to her knees when the door closed heavily behind him.

"What have I _done_?" she demanded, holding a hand to her heart.

It hurt and she couldn't heal this pain. Nothing could.

–(

"So, anyway, she was all, 'Do you like horror movies?' and I was all, 'Hell _yeah_.' So we're going to see _Rise of the Mutant Bloodsuckers_ on Saturday."

"That's nice."

Beast Boy shared a look with Cyborg.

"Um, aren't you gonna tell me she's only dating me because I'm a super hero? Or say something about how I'd better bathe before the weekend?"

Raven didn't answer.

"Aren't you gonna say _anything_?" he demanded, a bit desperately.

She looked up at him over the top of her book.

"Have fun."

Beast Boy groaned and Cyborg frowned.

"Rae, this isn't healthy."

She raised an eyebrow.

"What isn't healthy? I just had a check-up."

"You know what. You can talk to us. We're your friends."

Raven just shook her head and returned to her book.

"Nothing to talk about."

Beast Boy opened his mouth to press the issue when the alarm sounded. Robin and Starfire raced into the room.

"Titans, trouble."

It was Jinx, Gizmo, and Mammoth wreaking havoc like usual. Whatever they were doing, it was evident that they'd been aiming to draw the Titans out. Jinx smirked at the five super heroes.

"Look who finally showed up, boys!" she said loudly.

And the fight was on. Over the years the three aspiring villains had grown stronger, though they still hadn't graduated from H.I.V.E., and the Titans could handle them fairly easily with a minimum of fuss. Today was a different story altogether. Raven was pissed and hadn't had a chance to vent her emotions since Robin had broken up with Starfire two days before. Toying with Jinx was more fun than it should have been, and they were still battling long after Gizmo and Mammoth had been brought down.

"What the hell's _your_ problem?" Jinx yelled, casting a particularly violent hex.

"You're my problem," Raven hissed.

Jinx just laughed.

"I don't think so. I think the pretty birdy's upset over something else. What's the matter dear? Boyfriend dump you for someone hotter?"

Raven's eyes narrowed and she was done playing.

"_Azarath Metrion Zinthos!_"

Jinx shrieked as two large tables came at her. She dove out of the way just in time and glared up at Raven.

"You're no fun when you're mad," she said with a pout. "I'll play with you later. Let's go!"

The three took off, Jinx in the lead, Gizmo trailing. He looked over his shoulder with a wide grin.

"Merry Christmas, guys!" he yelled, throwing something high up into the air.

Beast Boy frowned.

"But it's Octo–"

The detonation of Gizmo's bomb cut the teen off. Raven cringed and called up a shield, briefly thanking the gods that the bank had been abandoned sometime during their fight. Debris bounced harmlessly away and the dust settled rapidly. Beast Boy sat up, coughing off to her right. Cyborg was dusting his body off and frowning.

"Anyone else think that was a little overkill?"

"Just a bit," Raven muttered, searching for Starfire and Robin.

The former's shriek reached her ears before she could spot them.

"Robin!"

Raven, Beast Boy, and Cyborg sprinted through the rubble to find Starfire and Robin behind a clerk's desk.

"It's just my shoulder, Star, I'm okay."

"But, it is hanging strangely and your head is bleeding . . ."

"Oh for _fuck's sake_ . . ."

Everyone turned to see Raven glaring at Robin.

"Don't _do_ that to me!" she said.

Robin frowned.

"Do what?"

"Do . . . I . . . you . . ." She trailed off and threw her hands up in the air. "Someone please put Wonder Boy's arm back in its socket so we can go home," she said, crossing her arms and trying to still her heart.

She'd thought . . . Star had screamed and she'd thought maybe he was hurt badly. She'd been so scared. This was pathetic.

She didn't watch as Cyborg took care of Robin's shoulder, though she heard his groan of pain where she was standing.

"It'll be black and blue for a while," Cyborg was saying. "But it's not too bad."

"Can we go now?" Raven asked, turning back to the group.

"Well, he shouldn't be riding the R-Cycle home since he might have a concussion. You'll have to get him out of here."

Raven glared at him.

"What? I'm not . . . I mean . . . that kind of travel can't be good for a concussion."

Beast Boy smirked.

"I thought you were in a hurry to get out of here."

Raven narrowed her eyes at him and walked over to Robin.

"Fine," she huffed.

Transporting Robin was not something she wanted to do, but she did it anyway. They landed in the infirmary of the Tower a few seconds later.

"How do you feel?" Raven asked, pushing Robin none-to-gently toward a bed.

He raised an eyebrow.

"I was feeling fine until you started to manhandle me."

The look she shot him was clearly not amused.

"I'd better clean that cut on your forehead," she muttered. "Wouldn't want you get an infection and die."

Her tone told him clearly that she wouldn't mind it terribly if he did.

She doused a cotton ball in antiseptic and inspected the shallow wound along his hairline.

"I talked to Starfire," he said softly as she dabbed at the cut.

"Good."

"I explained why I broke up with her."

Raven stilled.

"Why are you doing this?" she finally asked, stepping away and looking for a band-aid. "What do you hope to gain from this?"

"Nothing," he insisted.

She glared at him, band-aid in hand, and he sighed.

"Okay, _something_. Look, Raven, why can't you just trust me in this?"

She carefully peeled the paper off of the adhesive and then laid the bandage onto the cut.

"I'm not right for you," she whispered, smoothing the band-aid. "Starfire loves you."

"But I'm not in love with her. I'm . . . she's like my sister and I've thought that for a while. Way before I realized how you felt about me."

"Is that when the dreams started?" Raven asked without thinking.

Robin frowned at her and she slapped a hand over her mouth.

"What?"

She sucked in a deep breath and took a step backward.

"Look . . . I know you better than anyone," she said softly. "We're connected in a way that I've never been connected with anyone before. I've healed you and been a part of you. So . . . when you started dreaming about me, I knew it. I was there, watching."

He bit his lip and gazed up at her.

"Raven . . . how can you have seen that and still think that I'm just playing with you?"

She didn't answer, turning her eyes instead to the floor.

"The last time . . . it was different. The Raven you dreamed about said that you couldn't have her, have _me_, and you were mad. I tried to talk to you, to tell you . . ." she trailed off. "You left me," she finished. "You left me alone even though I asked you not to."

"I didn't know," he said softly. "I remember that dream and thinking that it wasn't that I couldn't have you. I thought it was because you didn't want me. Because you didn't really love me."

She looked up at him.

"I don't want you to feel obligated. I mean, if you're not serious–"

"Raven, I've been in love with you for a long time now, I just never realized it. I have nightmares where Trigon wins and it's horrible because I can't imagine a world without you. I thought I just felt that way because you're so close to me. You're my best friend. And then I thought about you loving someone else and I tried to hope you'd be happy but I was jealous and I couldn't figure out why."

"Robin . . ."

"What?"

She stared at him and then looked away.

"I don't know. I've . . . I need to go."

She spun on her heel.

"If you stop running I'll stop hiding," he said loudly.

She halted and turned slowly. Robin was standing behind her, so close she could feel his body heat. She stared at him and jumped when he took her hand in his. He smiled softly and guided her hand toward his face. Her fingers paused at the edge of his mask and his own rested on the back of her hand. After a moment of hesitation she shook her head.

"You don't need to," she said softly.

"I want to," he told her.

"You could never hide from me," she said, closing her eyes. "I know you better than you know yourself. I don't need to see."

"You're awfully stubborn, you know that?"

She started again at the feel of his hands cradling her face. She felt his lips pressed against her forehead and then her nose.

"_You're_ right for me, Raven," he whispered. "We're right for each other. You know that. You wouldn't have fallen in love with me if you didn't know that."

She sighed when he dropped a kiss on the corner of her mouth.

"Maybe . . ." He kissed her jaw. "Probably . . ." He kissed the sensitive skin beneath her ear. "I . . ."

"I love you, Raven," he breathed into her ear. He shifted and moved closer, their bodies brushing. "I love _you_."

All at once she felt dizzy and nauseous and like she'd never be the same again.

"I feel funny," she whispered as he licked her earlobe. "I think I might faint."

"You won't," he said, kissing her throat.

"I'm going to be sick."

"No you're not," he said, leaning back to smile at her.

She swallowed.

"I think we should get Cyborg –"

"No, we really shouldn't," he said, kissing her softly on the lips.

She sighed and glared at him.

"I think I love you," she said. "And I hate it."

Robin chuckled and Raven frowned before surging up and capturing his lips with hers. It sounded like it had in his dreams, wet and a little bit sloppy. It felt incredible. All at once the emotions within her sang and her body trembled but she was just Raven. She wasn't controlled by Lust or Love or Happy or Brave. She was just Raven. His lips moved over hers insistently and she parted them, groaning when his tongue crept past her teeth to tease the ridges of the roof of her mouth. She twined her arms around his neck and pressed her body more firmly against his.

Tendrils of pleasure snaked through her body and she tentatively pressed her tongue to his. Robin moaned and tightened his hold on her, grasping her tightly around the waist, his fingers digging into her hips. She dragged her lips from his and pressed them to the column of his throat, teasing the skin with the tip of her tongue at first, and then sucking when she realized how good he tasted. He moaned again and tipped his head back at an angle, giving her free reign of that expanse of skin. She shuddered and licked and reveled in the salty taste of him.

"God, Raven," he breathed.

She smirked.

"While I prefer being referred to by the latter, the former has it's charm too."

He looked down at her with a grin.

"How could anyone _not_ see how amazing you are?" he asked.

"It sure took you a while to notice," she pointed out.

He shook his head and pressed tiny kisses to her throat.

"I know," he said. "But you are. You're the most amazing person I know."

She sighed.

"You're not so bad yourself," she murmured as Cyborg, Beast Boy, and Starfire burst into the room without preamble.

"We ordered pizza!" Cyborg yelled.

Robin and Raven looked at each other and then took tentative steps backward.

"Dude," Beast Boy said. "It's about freakin' time."

Starfire smiled.

"Beast Boy is right. I am most pleased that you took my advice, Robin," she said.

Raven frowned.

"What advice?" she asked.

"That he should not let something he wants so badly get away," she said. "And now I am quite hungry and wish to commence with the eating of the pizza! I believe I should get the last slice since my week has been a trying one," she added with a small pout as she walked out the door.

Beast Boy followed with a loud: "Yeah, but . . ."

Cyborg just grinned and shook his head.

"Crazy kids," he muttered. "Anyway, how're you feeling Robin? Shoulder in any pain? Head hurting you?"

Robin shook his head.

"Nah, I'm fine."

Cyborg nodded, smiled at Raven, and left the room. The silence between Robin and Raven was comfortable. After a moment Raven closed the gap between them and wrapped her arms around Robin's waist.

"I trust you, Robin," she said softly, resting her head on his shoulder.

He just smiled into her hair and pressed a kiss to her temple. When they walked into the kitchen, Beast Boy was in the middle of a burp which both Starfire and Cyborg seemed to agree was rather disgusting. Robin and Raven sat next to each other and ate their pizza while Beast Boy and Starfire reenacted the fight between Raven and Jinx.

"You kicked her ass!" Beast Boy cried jubilantly. "It was awesome."

Raven was too busy paying attention to Robin to say anything to Beast Boy. He was grinning and talking to Cyborg about something. Feeling suddenly bold she rested her hand on Robin's thigh. He glanced at her with a quirked eyebrow and she quirked her own back, her lips turned up in a challenging smirk. He grinned, grabbing Raven's hand in his and twining their fingers together. She blushed and looked down at her pizza.

"You're cute when you blush, you know that?" Robin whispered.

She frowned as her blush deepened.

"I'm not cute."

"Come on, even Beast Boy thinks it's cute."

She glared at him.

"That is _not _making me feel any better."

He shrugged and squeezed her hand.

"Hey Raven, you gonna finish that slice of pizza?"

She looked up at Beast Boy and shook her head. He raised an eyebrow at her.

"You okay?"

"Yeah." She glanced at Robin out of the corner of her eye. "I'm . . . fine."


End file.
